\\Save the Excuses...

Dear Friend,
The friendships we make often mirror our own character and who we are as people. It's important to be careful as to who we choose to be friends with. I've found that the older I become, the more picky I am with who I choose to associate myself with. I'm not saying that I will completely ignore someone if I don't "deem them fit", but I like to keep a good company around me.

With my father being in the military, it's hard to keep friends for more than three years. In fact, ever since I was a child, I always viewed my friends as temporary distractions. I never allowed myself to become to attached to anyone because I understood that they would soon be gone, and what would I do without them? Anyone who has lived a life similar to my own would understand this train of thought.

Unfortunately, this has led me to neglect many friendships that I would have loved to keep. What do I do to console myself in my lack of friendships? I make excuses. Oh, the excuses. "We have nothing to talk about anymore; we now lead separate lives." "They don't want to talk to me anymore, I only knew them for two years." "They live too far away; this could never go anywhere." "It's all their fault that we're not friends anymore. They haven't contacted me.."

I don't put stock into those excuses anymore. In fact, they disgust me now. If I had heard anyone else make those excuses, I would probably immediately call them a selfish mooncalf and walk away without realizing that I myself am that selfish mooncalf.

There's an old saying that states, "If you are able to count all your good friends on one hand, you have lived a good life." For me, it's just two fingers on that one hand, and I find myself in jeopardy on that second friend. It is so hard to stay in contact with someone when we live in such separate lives. "What do we talk about? How could we ever relate to one another anymore?" There were those excuses again, nagging at me, preventing me from saving that precious friendship.

All that changed on Friday. I went to a memorial service for a fallen soldier who used to work for my father. He was only 23 years old, dying heroically in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan. He had the world by its tail; smart, handsome, kind, thoughtful, a man of integrity. You couldn't find anyone who had something negative to say about him. Grown men who had lived a hard, military life were bawling like babies. My mind was just racing with so many questions. "Why God? Why take such a life from these people who loved him so much? Couldn't you have left him here just a bit longer? He barely lived life." And then I thought, "Who will come to my funeral if I were to die today? Would the church be this full? What would the people say about me? Would they miss me as much?" I realized that I was a very lonely person. I am a lonely person. My lack of effort has left me as just a phantom in people's lives; a random girl they used to know in that place they used to live, never to be heard from again. I have to admit that I was jealous of that young soldier because I knew that he had more people come to his funeral than I would; he'd affected more people than I ever did...

At that moment, I wanted to make as many meaningful friendships as I could, still picky, but with intention to keep that person close. I've finally realized how powerful a conviction it is to live today as if it were your last. Be a little kinder, more thankful, and more loving, because remember, when all is said and done, who will be there for you at that church? What will they say? Do you have any close friends who would come to say goodbye?

Let the ones you love know that you care for them, everyday.

As always, I hope this rambling will make a difference to anyone out there who will by chance read this...
God Bless to all.

Ever Yours,
Fantasma