\\What's the Big Surprise?

Dear Friend,
Death is a curious thing. It happens everyday and yet we somehow believe that it will never come knocking on our doorstep, that it will never affect us. We believe ourselves to be invincible; any death that occurs happened to a stranger that we read about someplace or an unfortunate victim we hear about on the news. I now understand that death is so surprising when it actually does happen. When we've lost someone dear to us, we're shocked when in fact it was inevitable, either it be today or years from now.

Obviously, I have recently lost someone who I knew to be a Christian, fortunately. It was sudden; nobody knew it'd happen. An accidental death is the worst kind because you go crazy thinking about "what ifs". "What if he hadn't chosen to be there at that time? If he'd only been delayed a few minutes...what if?" He was a good man who loved the Lord and those around him. He encouraged those who were down and laughed with those who were near.

One thing that kept running through my mind was the amount of people who now miss him. If he hadn't been such an awesome guy, would there be such a response? There is a common theme that has been influencing my thoughts: How should we act on our time here on earth? I guess this post could allude to my last post regarding the death of the soldier. A death is tragic, whether it was a good person or not. At some point, we were all innocent children who wanted a good life, a happy life. That innocence should count for something.

Overall, death should be a time to rejoice. He is where I want to be; my friend is now with Him, finally. Since our lives are meant to fulfill the Lord's purpose, if he has now been taken, that means he did what he was meant to and God brought him home. I only hope for the people who were rocked at their very core, that from this death, they will continue to live to please Him. God loves us no matter what; we in turn can give no less.

I miss you R, but I'm happy you're home.

Sincerely,
Fantasma

\\Save the Excuses...

Dear Friend,
The friendships we make often mirror our own character and who we are as people. It's important to be careful as to who we choose to be friends with. I've found that the older I become, the more picky I am with who I choose to associate myself with. I'm not saying that I will completely ignore someone if I don't "deem them fit", but I like to keep a good company around me.

With my father being in the military, it's hard to keep friends for more than three years. In fact, ever since I was a child, I always viewed my friends as temporary distractions. I never allowed myself to become to attached to anyone because I understood that they would soon be gone, and what would I do without them? Anyone who has lived a life similar to my own would understand this train of thought.

Unfortunately, this has led me to neglect many friendships that I would have loved to keep. What do I do to console myself in my lack of friendships? I make excuses. Oh, the excuses. "We have nothing to talk about anymore; we now lead separate lives." "They don't want to talk to me anymore, I only knew them for two years." "They live too far away; this could never go anywhere." "It's all their fault that we're not friends anymore. They haven't contacted me.."

I don't put stock into those excuses anymore. In fact, they disgust me now. If I had heard anyone else make those excuses, I would probably immediately call them a selfish mooncalf and walk away without realizing that I myself am that selfish mooncalf.

There's an old saying that states, "If you are able to count all your good friends on one hand, you have lived a good life." For me, it's just two fingers on that one hand, and I find myself in jeopardy on that second friend. It is so hard to stay in contact with someone when we live in such separate lives. "What do we talk about? How could we ever relate to one another anymore?" There were those excuses again, nagging at me, preventing me from saving that precious friendship.

All that changed on Friday. I went to a memorial service for a fallen soldier who used to work for my father. He was only 23 years old, dying heroically in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan. He had the world by its tail; smart, handsome, kind, thoughtful, a man of integrity. You couldn't find anyone who had something negative to say about him. Grown men who had lived a hard, military life were bawling like babies. My mind was just racing with so many questions. "Why God? Why take such a life from these people who loved him so much? Couldn't you have left him here just a bit longer? He barely lived life." And then I thought, "Who will come to my funeral if I were to die today? Would the church be this full? What would the people say about me? Would they miss me as much?" I realized that I was a very lonely person. I am a lonely person. My lack of effort has left me as just a phantom in people's lives; a random girl they used to know in that place they used to live, never to be heard from again. I have to admit that I was jealous of that young soldier because I knew that he had more people come to his funeral than I would; he'd affected more people than I ever did...

At that moment, I wanted to make as many meaningful friendships as I could, still picky, but with intention to keep that person close. I've finally realized how powerful a conviction it is to live today as if it were your last. Be a little kinder, more thankful, and more loving, because remember, when all is said and done, who will be there for you at that church? What will they say? Do you have any close friends who would come to say goodbye?

Let the ones you love know that you care for them, everyday.

As always, I hope this rambling will make a difference to anyone out there who will by chance read this...
God Bless to all.

Ever Yours,
Fantasma

\\Anger

Dear Friend,

Due to a disagreement I had with a dear friend today, I lashed out my anger upon her and I am sure she is hurt deeply. While contemplating upon it, I discovered how strange and complex anger is in the first place. Have you ever sat down and actually thought about anger without being angry?

One very wise man did, and this is what he had to say:

"There is that speaketh like the piercings of the sword: but the tongue of the wise is health." -Proverbs 12:18 (KJV)

I believe that we as people fly into a rage and in consequence, become oblivious in the process. We spit out deleterious things hoping to absolutely and ruthlessly vanquish our "opponent". We don't actually feel the abrogating effects that it creates upon ourselves until much later, and most times, ironically, the person in need of an apology is most likely not there with you.

Anger is a dangerous drug which gives immediate satisfaction, but leaves us in agonizing pain after it leaves our system. The worse part of it all is that it is not a physical pain that can be cured; it is a mental hardship, which makes it seem ten times worse.

The best quote I have heard on the subject of anger is simple, but true.

"Anger is one letter short of danger." -Unknown

Picture your anger as a flame: burning bright, it increases with fuel. Only you can put it out by refusing to add to it, but, with every word uttered, it grows and grows. Sometimes, we keep our anger deep inside, like a candle wick that glows red for what seems an eternity, but doesn't seem to quite sputter out.

God is the answer. How silly it would be to think that God couldn't possibly "handle" our problems! As if our experience has never happened before in the history of the universe! How selfish we as humans can be...

What needs to be done is a sincere act of apology, no matter how "right" and "justified" you are. After that apology, you can breathe easier, making it effortless to blow out that flame.

That is what I need to do at this moment. I pray to God that hopefully, my friend will understand my love for her and we can walk together down life's lane again in peace.

I hope my rambling makes sense to anyone out there willing to read this.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace."

Ever yours,

Fantasma

\\Fantasma

Dear Friend,

Do you ever have the feeling that the world we live in is spinning at mind-numbing speeds and all the while, you feel helpless?

You feel alone.

Infinitesimal.

Worse: you don't even exist?

How could we as individuals feel special when there are so many of us?
This is the start of my empowerment, and maybe someday, others as well. Let our voices be heard not from the stage, but as normal human beings, conversing with one another, word by word.

This blog will detail small interpretations of the world in which we live and how we all fit together. We don't have to live as ghosts; we may live with purpose.

Join me?

Ever yours,
Fantasma